I have known Val all my life. She was my mother Brenda’s best friend. They met in their 20s at Manchester Central Reference Library where they trained together as librarians. They were ‘two clever girls’ as my mother’s landlady once remarked. My mum told me what good times she and Val had then, one of the happiest times in her life I believe. They were real soul-mate friends, sharing a love of literature, culture, education and political values of justice and equality. As well as training and working together, they went to see plays and films and taught themselves to cook all kinds of food including French, Italian and Indian. When Val took the step to emigrate to Ohio in the late 1950s, Mum told me she missed her a lot. A year or two later she followed in her footsteps and moved to a job in Toronto, Canada. From there the two women remained friends, marrying and having children. My earliest childhood holidays were spent with my family (Mum, Dad, sister Sarah and brother Tom) with Val and Ben in the beautiful home they made in Peninsula with Catherine and Anne. Anne and I are close in age and have been lifelong friends through our mothers. (As Anne likes to tell people, ‘We were in diapers together!’) My family returned to the UK in 1972 but such memories have stayed with me all my life. The Alexanders and Scobie Road remain very special to me.
I will always remember Val as funny, smart, generous and a fantastic cook. As well as being a good cook, she was a relaxed cook - it didn’t seem any trouble to her to rustle up a meal out of nowhere or bake bread from scratch. I remember how she took me under her wing when I visited the family on my own from the UK when I was 14. She drove Catherine, Anne and I all over the place, going on day trips and looting all the best thrift stores! We watched an episode of MASH every night - thrilling to me, in the UK we had few TV channels and MASH wasn’t on much. She followed the news like my Mum and always had something wise and wry to say the state of the world.
I have visited Ohio a few times since then - in my 20s, 30s and 40s - and Val and Ben and Anne have visited the UK. Since I lost my own parents they have become even more important to me - my other family - and Val - so like my own mother - like another Mum. Recently Anne and I have been having calls on WhatApp. It meant a huge amount to me to see Val again that way. It touched me so much when she looked into the phone and said ‘Bye honey’ the last time we spoke.
I can’t imagine the loss Ben, Anne and Catherine are feeling right now. My heart is with you. Val was a special, generous, wise woman with a huge heart. I know she has been struggling for a few years and there is release in ending too. I imagine her and my parents chewing the fat now, eating food, having a glass of wine and cracking jokes, younger and more well than they’ve ever been! Go well Val. You are deeply loved and will always be missed.
Emma Decent
Daughter of Brenda Decent, Valeria’s best friend from Manchester
